Lover vs. Mistress — What's the Difference?
By Tayyaba Rehman — Updated on September 28, 2023
A lover is someone with whom one shares a romantic or sexual relationship, while a mistress is a woman in a long-term extramarital relationship with a man.
Difference Between Lover and Mistress
Table of Contents
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Key Differences
A lover can be anyone with whom one shares a romantic or intimate relationship. The term is gender-neutral and does not specify the nature or the duration of the relationship. It emphasizes affection, attraction, or love. Conversely, a mistress refers specifically to a woman who is in an extramarital relationship with a man, suggesting that she is not his wife but has relations with him, often for a long period.
The term lover can apply to both men and women, irrespective of their marital status. It's a broad term that can denote a range of relationships from a casual fling to a long-standing relationship. In contrast, the term mistress carries with it societal implications and judgments. It suggests a level of secrecy or an affair, often accompanied by financial support from the man.
While a lover could be seen in a positive light, as someone you share genuine affection with, the term mistress is often met with more negative connotations, implying deceit and hidden affairs. Historically, a mistress might have been a woman who had power or influence over a man due to her position in his life, though today, it predominantly refers to the extramarital aspect.
The scope of the term lover is vast, covering many types of relationships, emotions, and durations. It's adaptable to various situations, describing anyone from a teenage crush to a spouse. On the other hand, a mistress is limited in scope and interpretation, often associated with secrecy, deception, and extramarital liaisons.
Comparison Chart
Gender Association
Gender-neutral
Specifically refers to a woman
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Marital Implication
No specific marital implications
Typically implies an extramarital relationship with a man
Connotation
Neutral or positive
Often negative due to the implication of secrecy
Duration & Nature
Varies from short-term to lifelong relationships
Often long-term and hidden
Historical Context
Generic term for romantic partner
Woman with influence or power over a man, or his secret partner
Compare with Definitions
Lover
An enthusiast or aficionado of something
He's a lover of classical music.
Mistress
A woman who has a continuing sexual relationship with a man who is married to someone else.
Lover
Someone passionate about a particular thing
She's a lover of nature and enjoys hiking.
Mistress
A woman in a position of authority, control, or ownership, as the head of a household
"Thirteen years had seen her mistress of Kellynch Hall" (Jane Austen).
Lover
A person with whom one is romantically or sexually involved
Sarah and Tom were lovers before they married.
Mistress
A woman who owns or keeps an animal
A cat sitting in its mistress's lap.
Lover
A term of endearment
Goodnight, my lover.
Mistress
A woman who owns a slave.
Lover
One who loves another, especially one who is involved in a romantic or sexual relationship with another.
Mistress
A woman with ultimate control over something
The mistress of her own mind.
Lover
Lovers A couple who are in love with each other.
Mistress
A nation or country that has supremacy over others
Great Britain, once the mistress of the seas.
Lover
One who is fond of or devoted to something
A lover of fine food.
Mistress
Something personified as female that directs or reigns
"my mistress ... the open road" (Robert Louis Stevenson).
Lover
One who loves and cares for another person in a romantic way; a sweetheart, love, soulmate, boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.
Mistress
A woman who has mastered a skill or branch of learning
A mistress of the culinary art.
Lover
A sexual partner, especially one with whom someone is having an affair.
Mistress
Mistress Used formerly as a courtesy title when speaking to or of a woman.
Lover
A person who loves something.
A lover of fine wines
A lover of his/her own country
Mistress
Chiefly British A woman schoolteacher.
Lover
An informal term of address for any friend.
All right, me lover?
Mistress
A woman, specifically one with great control, authority or ownership
Male equivalent: master
She was the mistress of the estate-mansion, and owned the horses.
Lover
One who loves; one who is in love; - usually limited, in the singular, to a person of the male sex.
Love is blind, and lovers can not seeThe pretty follies that themselves commit.
Mistress
A female teacher
Male equivalent: master
Games mistress
Lover
A friend; one strongly attached to another; one who greatly desires the welfare of any person or thing; as, a lover of his country.
I slew my best lover for the good of Rome.
Mistress
The other woman in an extramarital relationship, generally including sexual relations
Lover
One who has a strong liking for anything, as books, science, or music.
Mistress
A dominatrix
Male equivalent: master
Lover
One who is involved in a sexual relationship with another; as, she took a lover.
Mistress
A woman well skilled in anything, or having the mastery over it
Lover
See Louver.
Mistress
A woman regarded with love and devotion; a sweetheart
Lover
A person who loves or is loved
Mistress
(Scotland) A married woman; a wife
Lover
An ardent follower and admirer
Mistress
(obsolete) The jack in the game of bowls
Lover
A significant other to whom you are not related by marriage
Mistress
A female companion to a master a man with control, authority or ownership
Lover
A person having an extramarital sexual relationship
He was her secret lover.
Mistress
Female equivalent of master
Mistress
Female equivalent of mister
Mistress
Of a woman: to master; to learn or develop to a high degree of proficiency.
Mistress
(intransitive) To act or take the role of a mistress.
Mistress
A woman having power, authority, or ownership; a woman who exercises authority, is chief, etc.; the female head of a family, a school, etc.
The late queen's gentlewoman! a knight's daughter!To be her mistress' mistress!
Mistress
A woman well skilled in anything, or having the mastery over it.
A letter desires all young wives to make themselves mistresses of Wingate's Arithmetic.
Mistress
A woman regarded with love and devotion; she who has command over one's heart; a beloved object; a sweetheart.
Mistress
A woman filling the place, but without the rights, of a wife; a woman having an ongoing usually exclusive sexual relationship with a man, who may provide her with financial support in return; a concubine; a loose woman with whom one consorts habitually; as, both his wife and his mistress attended his funeral.
Mistress
A title of courtesy formerly prefixed to the name of a woman, married or unmarried, but now superseded by the contracted forms, Mrs., for a married, and Miss, for an unmarried, woman.
Now Mistress Gilpin (careful soul).
Mistress
A married woman; a wife.
Several of the neighboring mistresses had assembled to witness the event of this memorable evening.
Mistress
The old name of the jack at bowls.
Mistress
To wait upon a mistress; to be courting.
Mistress
An adulterous woman; a woman who has an ongoing extramarital sexual relationship with a man
Mistress
A woman schoolteacher (especially one regarded as strict)
Mistress
A woman master who directs the work of others
Mistress
A woman in a position of authority or control
She became the mistress of her own company.
Mistress
A woman in an extramarital relationship with a man
He had a wife and a mistress.
Mistress
A woman skilled in a particular subject or activity
She's a mistress of the culinary arts.
Mistress
A female owner of a pet
The dog followed its mistress around.
Mistress
A female schoolteacher, especially one's headteacher
The school mistress was strict but fair.
Common Curiosities
Is "mistress" always about an extramarital affair?
Predominantly, but it can also refer to a woman in a position of authority or expertise in a field.
Is every lover considered a mistress?
No, not every lover is a mistress. A mistress specifically refers to a woman in an extramarital relationship with a man.
Can a man be a "mistress"?
Traditionally, no. The male counterpart might be referred to as a "lover" or "paramour".
Can "lover" be used outside of romantic contexts?
Yes, it can denote enthusiasm, as in "a lover of art".
Can "lover" refer to both genders?
Yes, "lover" is a gender-neutral term.
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Written by
Tayyaba RehmanTayyaba Rehman is a distinguished writer, currently serving as a primary contributor to askdifference.com. As a researcher in semantics and etymology, Tayyaba's passion for the complexity of languages and their distinctions has found a perfect home on the platform. Tayyaba delves into the intricacies of language, distinguishing between commonly confused words and phrases, thereby providing clarity for readers worldwide.
