Pity vs. Shame — What's the Difference?
By Fiza Rafique & Maham Liaqat — Updated on May 6, 2024
Pity is a feeling of sympathy for someone's misfortune, while shame is an emotion stemming from guilt or perceived inadequacy, often involving embarrassment or disgrace.
Difference Between Pity and Shame
Table of Contents
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Key Differences
Pity involves feeling sympathy or sorrow for someone's suffering or disadvantage. It often motivates the observer to help or console others. For instance, you might feel pity when you see someone struggling with a significant loss or illness.
Shame, on the other hand, is the internal emotion of self-blame and humiliation, typically arising from personal failings or societal norms. It often results in embarrassment or a desire to hide. For example, someone might feel shame after making a public mistake or failing to meet personal expectations.
Pity is outward-facing, directed towards another person's hardships, and can often lead to compassion. However, it can also be perceived negatively if it feels condescending or insincere to the recipient.
Shame is inward-facing, rooted in one's self-perception of inadequacy or moral failure. Unlike pity, which is often expressed openly, shame tends to be concealed due to the intense emotional pain it involves.
Pity can bring people together through empathy and shared understanding, encouraging support and kindness. Shame, conversely, often isolates individuals, making them reluctant to seek help or reveal their vulnerabilities.
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Comparison Chart
Definition
Sympathy or sorrow for someone’s hardship
Feeling of disgrace from personal failing
Focus
Directed at others
Directed inwardly
Motivation
Compassion or desire to help
Avoidance or hiding
Perception
Positive if empathetic, negative if condescending
Negative, causing isolation or withdrawal
Outcome
Promotes understanding and kindness
Can lead to guilt or low self-esteem
Compare with Definitions
Pity
The feeling of sorrow aroused by another’s unfortunate condition.
Pity filled her heart when she heard about the accident.
Shame
A condition of public dishonor or humiliation.
He avoided his friends out of shame after the scandal.
Pity
Sympathy or concern for someone’s suffering or misfortune.
She felt pity for the homeless man struggling in the cold.
Shame
A painful feeling of guilt or inadequacy.
She felt deep shame after realizing her mistake.
Pity
The act of showing understanding or empathy toward someone in need.
His pity moved him to donate generously.
Shame
An emotional state caused by the realization of personal failings.
His sense of shame prevented him from attending the event.
Pity
A sense of sadness about another’s condition, often with a desire to help.
The villagers expressed pity for the family that lost their home.
Shame
A negative self-perception due to failing societal or personal standards.
Living with shame, she struggled to rebuild her confidence.
Pity
An emotion encouraging compassion toward others.
His sincere pity led him to volunteer at the charity.
Shame
An intense emotional reaction often involving guilt, regret, or embarrassment.
Shame washed over him as he replayed the incident in his mind.
Pity
Pity is a sympathetic sorrow evoked by the suffering of others, and is used in a comparable sense to compassion, condolence or empathy - the word deriving from the Latin pietās (etymon also of piety). Self-pity is pity directed towards oneself.
Shame
Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.
Pity
Sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another.
Shame
A painful emotion caused by the belief that one is, or is perceived by others to be, inferior or unworthy of affection or respect because of one's actions, thoughts, circumstances, or experiences
Felt shame for having dropped out of school.
Pity
A matter of regret
It's a pity she can't attend the reception.
Shame
Respect for propriety or morality
Have you no shame?.
Pity
To feel pity for or on account of
"No, he could not believe it a bad house.
Not such a house as a man was to be pitied for having" (Jane Austen). "An office worker pitied his confinement and slipped in to give him a loaf of bread" (Eric Scigliano).
Shame
A condition of disgrace or dishonor; ignominy
An act that brought shame on the whole family.
Pity
To feel pity.
Shame
A regrettable or unfortunate situation
"It was a shame how the place had fallen apart, with tall scorched grass and sagging gutters" (Tom Drury).
Pity
(uncountable) A feeling of sympathy at the misfortune or suffering of someone or something.
I can't feel any pity towards the gang, who got injured while attempting to break into a flat.
Take pity on someone
Shame
One that brings dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation
"I would ... Forget the shames that you have stained me with" (Shakespeare).
Pity
(countable) Something regrettable.
It's a pity you're feeling unwell because there's a party on tonight.
What a pity about the band breaking up. I loved them!
Shame
To cause to feel shame
"expletives that would have shamed a stevedore" (Jeffrey Tayler).
Pity
(obsolete) Piety.
Shame
To cause to feel ashamed to the point of doing something
I was shamed into making an apology.
Pity
(transitive) To feel pity for (someone or something).
You have got to pity the guy - he lost his wife, mother and job in the same month.
Shame
To bring dishonor or disgrace on
Behavior that shamed him in the eyes of the community.
Pity
To make (someone) feel pity; to provoke the sympathy or compassion of.
Shame
To disgrace by surpassing
Wanted revenge because a rival had shamed him in the previous race.
Pity
Short form of what a pity.
Shame
Uncomfortable or painful feeling due to recognition or consciousness of one's own impropriety or dishonor, or something being exposed that should have been kept private.
When I realized that I had hurt my friend, I felt deep shame.
The teenager couldn’t bear the shame of introducing his parents.
Pity
Piety.
Shame
Something to regret.
It was a shame not to see the show after driving all that way.
Pity
A feeling for the sufferings or distresses of another or others; sympathy with the grief or misery of another; compassion; fellow-feeling; commiseration.
He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord.
He . . . has no more pity in him than a dog.
Shame
Reproach incurred or suffered; dishonour; ignominy; derision.
Pity
A reason or cause of pity, grief, or regret; a thing to be regretted.
What pity is itThat we can die but once to serve our country!
Shame
The cause or reason of shame; that which brings reproach and ignominy.
Pity
To feel pity or compassion for; to have sympathy with; to compassionate; to commiserate; to have tender feelings toward (any one), awakened by a knowledge of suffering.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.
Shame
That which is shameful and private, especially private parts.
Pity
To move to pity; - used impersonally.
It pitieth them to see her in the dust.
Shame
The capacity to be ashamed, inhibiting one from brazen behaviour; due regard for one's own moral conduct and how one is perceived by others; restraint, moderation, decency.
Don't you have any shame?
Pity
To be compassionate; to show pity.
I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy.
Shame
A cry of admonition for the subject of a speech, either to denounce the speaker or to agree with the speaker's denunciation of some person or matter; often used reduplicated, especially in political debates.
Pity
A feeling of sympathy and sorrow for the misfortunes of others;
The blind are too often objects of pity
Shame
(South Africa) Expressing sympathy.
Shame, you poor thing, you must be cold!
Pity
An unfortunate development;
It's a pity he couldn't do it
Shame
(transitive) To cause to feel shame.
I was shamed by the teacher's public disapproval.
Pity
The humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it
Shame
(transitive) To cover with reproach or ignominy; to denounce as having done something shameful; to dishonor; to disgrace.
Pity
Share the suffering of
Shame
(transitive) To drive or compel by shame.
The politician was shamed into resigning.
Shame
To feel shame, be ashamed.
Shame
To mock at; to deride.
Shame
A painful sensation excited by a consciousness of guilt or impropriety, or of having done something which injures reputation, or of the exposure of that which nature or modesty prompts us to conceal.
HIde, for shame,Romans, your grandsires' images,That blush at their degenerate progeny.
Have you no modesty, no maiden shame?
Shame
Reproach incurred or suffered; dishonor; ignominy; derision; contempt.
Ye have borne the shame of the heathen.
Honor and shame from no condition rise.
And every woe a tear can claimExcept an erring sister's shame.
Shame
The cause or reason of shame; that which brings reproach, and degrades a person in the estimation of others; disgrace.
O C sar, what a wounding shame is this!
Guides who are the shame of religion.
Shame
The parts which modesty requires to be covered; the private parts.
Shame
To make ashamed; to excite in (a person) a comsciousness of guilt or impropriety, or of conduct derogatory to reputation; to put to shame.
Were there but one righteous in the world, he would . . . shame the world, and not the world him.
Shame
To cover with reproach or ignominy; to dishonor; to disgrace.
And with foul cowardice his carcass shame.
Shame
To mock at; to deride.
Ye have shamed the counsel of the poor.
Shame
To be ashamed; to feel shame.
I do shameTo think of what a noble strain you are.
Shame
A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt
Shame
A state of dishonor;
One mistake brought shame to all his family
Suffered the ignominy of being sent to prison
Shame
An unfortunate development;
It's a pity he couldn't do it
Shame
Bring shame or dishonor upon;
He dishonored his family by committing a serious crime
Shame
Compel through a sense of shame;
She shamed him into making amends
Shame
Cause to be ashamed
Shame
Surpass or beat by a wide margin
Common Curiosities
How does shame affect self-esteem?
Shame often leads to self-criticism and low self-esteem, causing feelings of inadequacy.
Can pity be perceived negatively?
Yes, if it appears condescending or insincere, it might make the recipient feel diminished.
Is shame always a result of personal failure?
Not always. Sometimes, shame stems from societal pressures or unrealistic standards.
Can pity lead to positive actions?
Yes, genuine pity can inspire compassionate actions, like offering support or resources.
Is pity the same as empathy?
Not exactly. Pity focuses on feeling sorrow for another, while empathy involves understanding their emotions more deeply.
What are common physical responses to shame?
Physical reactions can include blushing, avoiding eye contact, or slumping posture.
Can shame be constructive?
In some cases, mild shame can motivate positive changes, but excessive shame can be destructive.
How do cultural differences influence shame?
Different cultures have varying norms and expectations, which can affect what behaviors trigger shame.
How can pity be differentiated from compassion?
Compassion involves actively wanting to help, while pity may stop at just feeling sorrow for someone.
Does shame always lead to guilt?
Shame and guilt are different but related; shame involves feeling bad about oneself, while guilt focuses on specific actions.
Does shame affect mental health?
Yes, chronic shame can contribute to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
What is a healthy way to cope with shame?
Developing self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, and seeking therapy can help manage shame.
Can pity help improve relationships?
When expressed with genuine empathy, pity can strengthen relationships by showing understanding and support.
Is it possible to overcome intense shame?
Yes, through therapy or supportive relationships, individuals can work through shame and rebuild self-worth.
Can pity help someone recover from adversity?
While pity alone is not enough, it can be a starting point for offering tangible help and emotional support.
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Written by
Fiza RafiqueFiza Rafique is a skilled content writer at AskDifference.com, where she meticulously refines and enhances written pieces. Drawing from her vast editorial expertise, Fiza ensures clarity, accuracy, and precision in every article. Passionate about language, she continually seeks to elevate the quality of content for readers worldwide.
Co-written by
Maham Liaqat
