Submissive vs. Sub — What's the Difference?
Edited by Tayyaba Rehman — By Maham Liaqat — Updated on May 8, 2024
Submissive refers to a demeanor of yielding to authority or others' will, while a sub (in BDSM context) consents to relinquish control within agreed limits.
Difference Between Submissive and Sub
Table of Contents
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Key Differences
Submissive behavior can be a broader trait observable in everyday interactions, ranging from deference in decision-making to compliance in social settings. It encompasses a wide range of behaviors and does not necessarily involve any formal agreement or structure. Whereas, a sub in BDSM participates in a carefully negotiated framework that defines the extent and limits of submission, which is typically documented in a contract or clearly communicated agreement.
Submissives may not always identify with BDSM practices; their behavior could be part of their personality or situational, influenced by cultural, social, or psychological factors. Conversely, a sub engages in submission as part of a clearly defined role within BDSM activities, which involves specific rituals, rules, and dynamics that are understood and accepted by all involved parties.
The concept of a submissive often lacks the formal recognition of safe words and structured limits that are crucial in BDSM practices. This means their submission might not be as explicitly negotiated or safeguarded as that of a sub, who relies on these mechanisms to ensure the relationship remains consensual and safe. Whereas, the use of safe words and detailed agreements in BDSM help protect the physical and emotional well-being of a sub.
In general discourse, the term 'submissive' can sometimes carry negative connotations, implying weakness or lack of agency. However, in the context of a sub within BDSM, submission is viewed as a powerful and affirmative choice made from a position of strength and self-awareness, often respected within the community for its emotional depth and complexity.
Comparison Chart
Definition
Generally yielding to authority.
Consensually submits within BDSM agreements.
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Context
Social, personal, and varied.
Specific to BDSM with clear roles and rules.
Formality
Informal and personality-driven.
Highly structured with negotiated terms.
Safety Mechanisms
Lacks structured safety measures.
Includes safe words and detailed limits.
Perception
Sometimes viewed as weak.
Considered a position of strength and choice.
Compare with Definitions
Submissive
Not challenging or resisting.
He was submissive to his supervisor’s demands, never objecting.
Sub
Participant in a power exchange relationship.
In their relationship, she played the sub, always deferring to her partner's control.
Submissive
Showing a readiness to conform to others.
Her submissive smile did not reveal her true feelings.
Sub
Relies on safe words and limits for safety.
The sub used their safe word when the scene became too intense.
Submissive
Meek or passive in behavior.
His submissive stance during debates rarely allowed his ideas to surface.
Sub
A person who consensually submits to another in a BDSM setting.
As a sub, he found great joy in meeting the challenges set by his dominant.
Submissive
Yielding or ready to conform to the authority or will of others.
She was naturally submissive, always letting others lead the conversation.
Sub
Engages in role-specific behaviors under agreed terms.
The sub wore a collar as a symbol of their role and commitment.
Submissive
Easily influenced or controlled.
Submissive individuals might struggle in assertive negotiations.
Sub
Subject to rules and protocols within their role.
The sub meticulously followed the protocols that governed their interactions.
Submissive
Inclined or willing to submit.
Sub
A submarine
The yachtsman claimed his boat had been sunk by a sub
Submissive
Obedient or passive.
Sub
A subscription
The annual sub for the golf club will be £200
Submissive
(BDSM) One who submits to a dominant partner in BDSM practices.
Sub
A substitute, especially in a sporting team
The team pulled back with a goal from sub Chris Malkin
Submissive
(rare) One who submits.
Sub
A subeditor
The chief sub would be responsible for the look of the paper
Submissive
Inclined or ready to submit; acknowledging one's inferiority; yielding; obedient; humble.
Not at his feet submissive in distress,Creature so fair his reconcilement seeking.
Sub
An advance or loan against expected income
‘I've got no money.’ ‘Want a sub?’
Submissive
Showing a readiness to submit; expressing submission; as, a submissive demeanor.
With a submissive step I hasted down.
Sub
Replace or be replaced; substitute
He subbed for Armstrong at some gigs
He got a lot of applause when he was subbed
Submissive
Inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination;
Submissive servants
A submissive reply
Replacing troublemakers with more submissive people
Sub
Lend or advance a sum to (someone) against expected income
Who'll sub me till Thursday?
Submissive
Willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent
Sub
Subedit
His copy was mercilessly subbed and rewritten
Submissive
Abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant;
Slavish devotion to her job ruled her life
A slavish yes-man to the party bosses
She has become submissive and subservient
Sub
(Nautical) A submarine.
Sub
A submarine sandwich.
Sub
A substitute.
Sub
To act as a substitute
A graduate student subbing for the professor.
Sub
To put or use (a person or thing) as a substitute
The coach subbed fresh players toward the end of the game. The cook subbed oil for butter.
Sub
Usage Problem To replace; substitute
The player was subbed after she committed two errors. Sub the chicken with tofu to make the dish vegetarian. See Usage Note at substitute.
Sub
A submarine.
Sub
A submarine sandwich: a sandwich made on a long bun.
We can get subs at that deli.
Sub
(informal) A substitute, often in sports or teaching.
With the score 4 to 1, they brought in subs.
She worked as a sub until she got her teaching certificate.
Sub
A subscription: a payment made for membership of a club, etc.
Sub
A subtitle.
I've just noticed a mistake in the subs for this film.
Sub
A subroutine (sometimes one that does not return a value, as distinguished from a function, which does).
Sub
(colloquial) A subeditor.
Sub
(colloquial) A subcontractor.
Sub
(slang) A subwoofer.
Sub
A submissive.
Sub
A subordinate.
Sub
A subaltern.
Sub
A subscription (or (by extension) a subscriber) to an online channel or feed.
I'm totally stoked; just got 10 new subs after my last video.
Sub
(colloquial) Subsistence money: part of a worker's wages paid before the work is finished.
Sub
(internet slang) subreddit
Sub
To substitute for.
Sub
To work as a substitute teacher, especially in primary and secondary education.
Sub
To replace (a player) with a substitute.
He never really made a contribution to the match, so it was no surprise when he was subbed at half time.
Sub
Less commonly, and often as sub on, to bring on (a player) as a substitute.
He was subbed on half way through the second half, and scored within minutes.
Sub
(British) To perform the work of a subeditor or copy editor; to subedit.
Sub
To subtitle (usually a film or television program).
Sub
To lend.
Sub
To subscribe.
Sub
(BDSM) To take a submissive role.
Sub
To coat with a layer of adhering material; to planarize by means of such a coating.
Sub
(microscopy) To prepare (a slide) with a layer of transparent substance to support and/or fix the sample.
Sub
Under.
Sub
A subordinate; a subaltern.
Sub
A shortened form of submarine, the boat.
Sub
A shortened form of submarine sandwich; also called hero, hero sandwich, and grinder.
Sub
A large sandwich made of a long crusty roll split lengthwise and filled with meats and cheese (and tomato and onion and lettuce and condiments); different names are used in different sections of the United States
Sub
A submersible warship usually armed with torpedoes
Sub
Be a substitute;
The young teacher had to substitute for the sick colleague
The skim milk substitutes for cream--we are on a strict diet
Common Curiosities
Can a person switch between being submissive and dominant?
Yes, some individuals are "switches" in BDSM, meaning they can switch between dominant and submissive roles depending on the context and preference.
What responsibilities does a dominant have towards a sub?
A dominant is responsible for respecting the sub's limits, ensuring their safety, and fulfilling the mutually agreed-upon conditions of the power exchange.
What types of activities might a sub engage in within a BDSM context?
Activities can include various forms of play such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism, all within agreed limits.
How do cultural perceptions of submissiveness and BDSM subs differ?
Cultural perceptions can vary widely, with general submissiveness sometimes viewed negatively as weakness, while being a BDSM sub is often seen within the community as an expression of trust and intimacy.
How is consent handled differently between a submissive personality and a BDSM sub?
For a submissive personality, consent might be implicit and can vary by situation. In contrast, a BDSM sub gives explicit, informed consent specifically outlined in a negotiation before any activities.
What is a BDSM contract?
A BDSM contract is a document that outlines the duties, expectations, rules, and limits of the relationship between a dominant and a sub, emphasizing consent and mutual agreement.
How does one negotiate the terms of submission in a BDSM relationship?
Terms are usually negotiated through open and honest discussions that cover all aspects of the relationship, including activities, limits, safe words, and personal preferences.
Is being submissive a personality trait or a choice?
Submissiveness can be both a personality trait and a choice, depending on the context and individual preferences.
What are common misconceptions about BDSM subs?
Common misconceptions include the idea that subs have no control and are abused; in reality, BDSM relationships are based on consent and mutual satisfaction.
Are there psychological benefits to being a sub?
Many find psychological benefits in being a sub, such as the release of control, trust building, and deep emotional connections with their dominant.
What role does trust play in a submissive or BDSM sub relationship?
Trust is fundamental in both contexts but is especially formalized and crucial in BDSM relationships to ensure the emotional and physical safety of both parties.
What is the difference between a submissive in a non-BDSM relationship and a BDSM sub?
A submissive in a non-BDSM relationship may not have formalized limits and safe words, and their submission is often more psychological and less about play scenarios.
Can submissiveness affect one's career?
In a career context, being overly submissive might impact one's ability to assert authority or leadership, whereas in BDSM, these roles are confined to personal relationships and typically don't impact professional life.
How do submissives handle conflict in relationships?
Submissives might handle conflict by deferring to their partner, whereas a BDSM sub would handle conflict within the agreed-upon rules and mechanisms like safe words.
Are there different levels of submission in BDSM?
Yes, there are varying levels and dynamics of submission in BDSM, from light role-playing to total power exchange, depending on the preferences of those involved.
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Written by
Maham Liaqat
Edited by
Tayyaba RehmanTayyaba Rehman is a distinguished writer, currently serving as a primary contributor to askdifference.com. As a researcher in semantics and etymology, Tayyaba's passion for the complexity of languages and their distinctions has found a perfect home on the platform. Tayyaba delves into the intricacies of language, distinguishing between commonly confused words and phrases, thereby providing clarity for readers worldwide.
